Thursday, February 24, 2011
Forced to Use Words That Don't Exist
Sometimes words fail you. At least the ones that already exist. Take for example, when you make the announcement that you started a writer’s blog and you get more support and encouragement and kind compliments than you dreamed you would. The gratitude you feel can’t be described with any words from the dictionary. Believe me, I checked. I should probably tell you now that I’m not very good at inventing words. I tried it once before, ten years ago when my husband and I were first married and had no money to otherwise entertain ourselves. We were hanging out with my brother and decided we’d invent a word and see if we could make it take off. We knew, even then, that there was a severe problem with the word “cool”. Society hadn’t provided us with any successful alternatives to “cool” since its origins. We set about trying to come up with a suitable replacement word. I threw out a couple of fluffy words all ending in the hard “e” sound and then my brother laughingly informed me that I’m not cool enough to invent a synonym for cool. My husband came up with the word “tap”. For about a month we used the phrase “that’s tap” whenever something was cool. I still think we could’ve changed the English language with that one if we had been more dedicated… or maybe they should have injected a little Amie into it and tried “tappey”. ….No… First of all, I’ve been barely able to drag myself away from the computer. I had to slide from the computer chair to the ground and claw at the shag carpet to pull myself away from all of your niceness. It’s scary, really, walking away from the computer… not knowing if you might miss your blog counter as it changes from one number to the next! You can see why I wouldn’t want to miss that can’t you? I was savoring your sweet encouragement like every word was a peanut butter M&M. I ate them up like a Biggest Loser Contestant after the show is over. It was like when I was a kid and Mom and Dad would take us to the buffet and we’d eat so much that we couldn’t wait to get out to the car where we could lean back and unzip our pants. I’m so grateful to you that... I feel fat. It’s gratfat. We actually need to put me on a diet. I’m not good with moderation. I don’t know how to spread the happiness out! I’m just going to keep ingesting it until I’m so obese that they’ll remove me from the computer chair by crane…. and my pants will be unzipped. I did have to leave the house once the day I started my blog. I drove my daughter to dancing. I was a little disoriented. I was driving while intoxithankful. Nobody should have to navigate the parking lot of a dance studio while intoxithankful. I ended up stuck between the corner of a brick building and a giant SUV. There was so little wiggle room that pedestrians couldn’t get past me. Tiny little dancer pedestrians in leotards, with not even gratfat to stop them didn’t have enough room to wiggle through. It was horrifying. But it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter that I’m not a good driver. It didn’t matter that I overindulge in peanut butter M&Ms among many other things… because YOU told me that you liked my writing. So… as inadequate and overused as the words may be, from the bottom of my (already established, excessively dominant) HEART, I THANK YOU.